Working with People Who Avoid Conflict

While a family physician can be the first point of contact for a diagnosis, your doctor should make a referral to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional for diagnosis. By Elizabeth Scott, PhD

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing. When you become comfortable being uncomfortable, you will be better able to deal with your feelings and the stressors that cause them. When you can sit with these hard feelings, you’ll have more choices about how you want to face the problem because you won’t have a knee-jerk avoidance response. The first step is to become comfortable discussing issues and come up with a “win-win” solution whenever possible. When you can do this confidently, you’ll be less tempted to avoid conflict in the future and more empowered to resolve it in a way that strengthens your relationships.

In other words, you might be avoiding that confrontation because you’re pretty sure nothing good will come of it. “Conflict avoidance often manifests from a negative experience that may have taught you that it’s safer to avoid than to engage,” Morales explains. When a given circumstance signals you to fight, flee, or freeze, the easiest decision for you might be to walk away.

Avoidant Personality Disorder vs. Social Anxiety Disorder

The pressure mounts and perceived stress is followed by sweat, an increased heart rate, and worry, and your gut reaction to is avoid the situation altogether. Conflict avoidance is a person’s method of reacting to conflict, which attempts to avoid directly confronting the issue at hand. Methods of doing this can include changing the subject, putting off a discussion until later, or simply not bringing up the subject of contention. Conflict prevention can be used as a temporary measure to buy time or as permanent means of disposing of a matter.

Therapy and anxiety-management techniques might also help you cope during conflict. The thing about conflict avoidance is that, in how to deal with someone who avoids conflict small doses, it’s actually a perfectly reasonable reaction. Fights aren’t fun; they stress the body out severely, for one thing.

You Could Use A Confidence Booster

But in many cases, interpersonal conflict resolution could help repair a relationship, to the benefit of all involved, or end it with less pain. Through a better understanding of conflict avoidance, we can become more comfortable with interpersonal conflict resolution at work and in our personal lives. It’s possible to overcome conflict avoidance and learn to handle confrontation in a productive, healthy way. Consider practicing conflict-management skills in low-stress situations.

• A 2011 research study found that high conflict avoidance in a relationship will likely cause relationship dissatisfaction for women, but not necessarily for men.
• Then, you can reapproach the subject once both sides are calm and ready to face it with a more open mind.
• Spinelli highly recommends therapy for people who tend to avoid conflict because it can help you understand why you avoid conflict and practice conflict-management techniques.
• Being able to manage and relieve stress in the moment is the key to staying balanced, focused, and in control, no matter what challenges you face.

UN officials have expressed anger and disbelief about the situation in Gaza hospitals, where injured people do not have basic supplies and children recovering from amputations are being killed in the ongoing conflict. He said too many civilians had been killed and urged Israel to show restraint – but blamed Hamas’ actions in embedding itself in civilian communities for the high loss of life. Kirby was speaking as the Biden administration faced allegations of abetting war crimes for vetoing the security council resolution. In the first three weeks of the current operation, Swords of Iron, the civilian proportion of total deaths rose to 61%, in what Levy described as “unprecedented killing” for Israeli forces in Gaza. The ratio is significantly higher than the average civilian toll in all the conflicts around the world from the second world war to the 1990s, in which civilians accounted for about half the dead, according to Levy.

Do people with AVPD want relationships?

The UN security council is set to convene Tuesday to weigh a call for a ceasefire in Gaza, after a previous bid was vetoed by the United States. There was no immediate response from Israeli authorities, Reuters reported. At least 13 Palestinians were killed and 75 others wounded in an Israeli strike on the Jabalia refugee camp in northern Gaza on Tuesday, a spokesperson for the health ministry in the Hamas-controlled territory said. Dr Margaret Harris, a World Health Organization spokesperson, described the situation in Gaza hospitals as “beyond belief” and “unconscionable”, Reuters reported. “We’re certainly mindful of the suffering of the people of Gaza, and we’re doing everything we can to not just get stuff in there but to lead an actual international effort to get stuff in there,” he said. The aerial bombing campaign by Israel in Gaza is the most indiscriminate in terms of civilian casualties in recent years, a study published by an Israeli newspaper has found.

And ultimately he was going to need the words in order to manage his own emotions. He believes that the best way to address conflict avoidance is by creating a culture where employees feel valued and listened to. “Conflict avoidance can greatly connect to racial and gender privilege,” Ezelle explains.

Practice Communication Skills

Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worth your time and energy. Maybe you don’t want to surrender a parking space if you’ve been circling for 15 minutes, but if there are dozens of empty spots, arguing over a single space isn’t worth it. When you really listen, you connect more deeply to your own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening also strengthens, informs, and makes it easier for others to hear you when it’s your turn to speak. The child’s need is to explore, so venturing to the street or the cliff edge meets that need.

• Whatever the cause of disagreements and disputes at home or work, these skills can help you resolve conflict in a constructive way and keep your relationships strong and growing.
• Similarly, if you’re more comforted by smells, you can keep an essential oil on hand to take a quick whiff of when you’re feeling anxious.
• Growth always involves change, and even positive changes often involve some level of tension and discomfort.
• Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve the problem.
• Understanding why avoidance coping tends to be self-defeating will also help encourage you to take a more proactive and effective approach to stress management.

If you are out of touch with your feelings or so stressed that you can only pay attention to a limited number of emotions, you won’t be able to understand your own needs. This will make it hard to communicate with others and establish what’s really troubling you. For example, couples often argue about petty differences—the way she hangs the towels, the way he slurps his soup—rather than what is really bothering them.

You have a clear idea of what you want and what you don’t want — but that doesn’t mean you feel the need to assert it in the moment. It feels normal for you to step back and observe what’s going on with other people without necessarily intervening, even on your own behalf. Just because you value keeping things the same, however, doesn’t mean you’re totally fixed in your opinions. Your friends might value your flexibility; you find it easy to see both sides of a disagreement, but you’d rather not voice your personal view on any given matter, should it sway heavily in one direction or another. You may need to give yourself some extra pep talks before you say you reaaally want to order pizza for your birthday, knowing it’s not your girlfriend’s favorite. “Avoiding conflict can be well-intentioned, and you can learn how to help it grow and shift if that is what you desire,” Morales tells Bustle.

• Conflict resolution is about standing up for yourself and communicating when you feel angry or frustrated.
• The other broad category of coping is called “active coping” or “approach coping.” This type of coping addresses a problem directly as a means to alleviate stress.
• INFJs are not likely to do the confronting, but once confronted, they can actually engage in conflict in a super productive way — as long as they feel safe, respected, and heard, that is.
• Learn more about defensive behavior, and get advice on how to approach and resolve conflict with a defensive person.
• Vulnerability can improve emotional intimacy as it can help your partner understand you better.

Categorised in: Sober living

This post was written by vladeta